and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
