your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
