Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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