The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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