I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
