definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
