SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
