So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
