wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
