yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
