That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
