i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
