So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
