Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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