i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
