my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
handjob tips. give me some.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
