I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
