So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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