apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
