every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
