Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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