How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
