it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
