I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
