I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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