I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
