i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
