Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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