even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
