i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she looked like the before picture.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
