Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I AM VODKA MAN
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
