i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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