I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
