You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
