Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Someone came in the potted fern
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
