I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
