Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
