is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
