I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
