I puked a lego.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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