Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
