Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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