can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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