if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
