I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
