He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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