Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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