Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
