Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
