A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
